(1 minute read)
It’s believed that many of us have a chart in the back of our minds which compares our self‐worth to the worth of everyone we meet.
In this mode of thinking, the people ‘above us’ have achievements or abilities we’re envious of, while the people ‘below us’ have few qualities and accolades we value.
In the recently published The Courage to be Disliked, by Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga, it is revealed that this constant assessment of others, fuels inferiority and superiority complexes which can wreak havoc on our emotional lives.
When we feel inferior, we tend to obsess about how those above us – either more successful, happier, fitter, wealthier, or better‐looking – judge us because we crave their approval.
Feeling that our self‐worth is less than the people we admire erodes our self-confidence. Conversely, if we see our status or worth being above someone else, the qualities that give us this ‘sense of superiority’ (appearance, income, assets, status) start to own us, and we can grow terrified of losing this status, which can lead to an anxiety of its own making.
Authors Kishimi & Koga, highlight that the gaps above and below us are nothing but an illusion. Everyone has the same worth simply by existing, and the people we sometimes envy have only subjectiveadvantages.